#one more hour and i'm done with work...
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i'm done watching for the night (11 pm is way too late for me. frankly.) but did cm punk really say he wants to spitroast cena or is that a meme
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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Sailor Nikolai, loyal first mate of Captain John Price ⚓🐻
Bonus alternate versions under keep reading (no bg and lineart only)
#cod#cod nikolai#nikolai cod#call of duty#good lord this is finally done#hope you guys like it#I'm really trying to spend more time on my art and not rush things and I hope you can see the difference <3#Which historical period is he from you ask ?#Well you see he's from *THROWS POCKET SAND IN YOUR EYES AND RUNS AWAY*#I got inspired by outfits from black sails so hey who knows#Made him even bigger for this. Nik deserves to be a beautiful strong fat man who could lift anyone with one hand#anyway I will try to work on ship captain price next#I have spent hours trying to pick between the version with background and without background btw#Might as well post both#my art
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desert flygon
#pokemon#pokemon ruby and sapphire#hoenn#gen 3#flygon#aquanutart#i made this in the dead of winter a couple of years ago#after wanting for the whole year to enter the tcg illustration contest but i ended up working on something at the last minute as usual#i don't like competition but i enjoy having a reason to draw a pokemon with a lot of other people#i was waking up early before work to keep making progress on it but i thought i wasn't going to make the deadline#and when i had just decided i had done as much as i could and couldn't get it finished#i went out on that cold snowy day and on that day and that day only for some reason my car wouldn't start#we tried starting it with jumper cables but i'm not sure i know how to use them.. anyway i had to call someone and wait for them to come#i had to call in late to work and then i was waiting for two hours. which was just about enough time for me to keep working on this#i was able to submit it seconds before the deadline the next morning#and it's very cool to me that i was able to participate even though i didn't place (i'm actually glad i didn't place)#(because i would rather it go to someone who worked longer on their entry and/or started earlier before the deadline)#(i just wanted to join everyone in drawing a pokemon but i would prefer for it to just be its own thing and not compared to other pokemon)#this is partly why it's cool to me to have the tcg cards from the contest i also entered!#i chose to draw flygon because gen 3 is one of my favorites and i grew up in the desert and always wanted to imagine pokemon running around#that was the last era of my childhood before i moved and had to grow up where everything was new and different#for 12 years overseas i was homesick for this sun#i'm in a snowier place now but i see the sun even in winter so i'm happy!#since drawing this i appreciate and notice flygon a lot more! i always thought trapinch was very cute#i love the scene in twilight wings final episode when flygon is looking around and scanning; it's so cool#and because of this i got very excited to see flygon in the pokearth documentary flying like a dragonfly#i had wanted to imagine it landing a bit like a bug
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Every time I have a random day off, all I can think about is how much happier and more put together I'd be if we had four-day work weeks.
And not "sure, you can have a four-day week, but you still need to put in 40 hours in a week."
Just. Four days. Get your work done. Sign off when it's done, don't feel obligated to fill the rest of your day just to say that you did.
Imagine.
#emynn.op#personal#I'm lucky my work does half day Fridays BUT it DOES come with the assumption you're still doing about 40 hours#and when I first started there it was a godsend#and it IS still nice#makes it easier to book appointments or leave early for long weekends etc#but in general.....idk 'shut down at 12' quickly becomes 'just let me finish this one thing after lunch'#and then I have therapy Friday afternoons now so usually I'm still not mentally done until 5#but idk#Saturday was a rot day mixed with some holiday baking#Sunday I did a lot of chores but wasn't stressing#today I did more chores and holiday prep#and my house looks SO MUCH BETTER than it has in ages????#I've crossed things off my to do list that have been languishing there for weeks???#just imagine if I had this extra day every week#the pile up of 'oh I'll do this when I have more time/energy' would be so much less#anyway#ANYWAY. capitalism#kill it
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.
#I do not want to hustle and some of my most beloved people do not understand this#I was talking to my honorary big sister on the phone today about why I'm taking a gap year#the main reason is that the final semester of the program I was accepted into is around 50 hours per week of unpaid field work#which means you aren't allowed to have a job during that semester. this information was not presented until after the application process#anyway she was like “well that's fairly normal for healthcare professions” which is true#however this is a community college program and I would have expected them to account for people needing to work throughout college#anyway I responded “yeah true but I'm considering that maybe healthcare isn't for me then. I don't want a job that requires that much work.#And I don't! I don't want 50 or 60 hour work weeks! I want to work 40 hours and then leave and live my life!#but she made it seem like any job that requires a college degree is going to require that. And I don't think that's true#but also she is older than I am and has much more job experience so idk.#maybe she's advising based on the fact that as a teenager I was super type A and ambitious and really wanted a career?#whereas in the past couple years...idk I just want a reliable job that I don't hate that pays the bills and leaves time for enjoying life#so. I'm not sure#And now I kind of feel bad for not having that ambition anymore/ not wanting to have to give myself ulcers to get through school#But college is not worth my sanity and I found that out the hard way.#And I also feel bad for not being one of those people who CAN handle that much workload! Like I can certainly learn#to do more than I'm doing currently#but I will never be one of those constantly busy and insanely productive people. And I don't even want to be anymore#and yet that feels like an error.#I am not lazy! I used to think I was but no. I enjoy getting work done and doing personal projects and going to work and improving things.#It's not even as though I don't have things I want to do with my life. I have a lot of short term and long term goals!#I want to contribute to my community and support my family however I can and make art and tell stories and be a safe place for people!#and so much else!#but those ambitions aren't necessarily directly connected to school or a job for me anymore#and I value rest and having a social life too much to completely put my health on hold for years and years#sure college does take up a lot of time and energy but it shouldn't wholly consume your life as far as I can see.#and now I feel very unsure if that approach is realistic.#thinking I should talk with her again and try to explain myself a little better and ask what she meant.#diary
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Fanfic authors, please, I implore you, from one writer to another, DO NOT DELETE YOUR WORKS. Change the account ownership, make a different pseud to put it under, anonymise or orphan them, it doesn't matter, just please, please, PLEASE, do not delete them. Please. Even if you think they're badly written, or out of character, or a decade old, or 'cringe', or whatever, there will be some poor schmuck out there who loves what you've written and will cry over its deletion because they forgot to download it. - Sincerely, some poor schmuck who loves what someone wrote and has spent the last ten hours trying to track it down because he forgot to download it.
#ao3#wattpad#fanfiction#archive of our own#fanfic.net#I don't know any more fanfic sites I'm sorry#writing#fanfic writing#No seriously please DO NOT DELETE YOUR WORKS#I've just spent the last ten -- yes. Ten. One zero. Ten -- hours trying to track down this one fic#I'm about to go pull up the wayback machine#If I can see through my tears of course#Please don't delete#What you write is amazing and important and yeah. sure. sometimes it might not be the best thing you've done#sometimes it might be 'cringe' as hell#But please please please it will mean the world to someone anyway#Okay I'm shutting the fuck up now#Go continue procrastinating your latest WIP#I know you motherfuckers#(I *am* you motherfuckers)#I am also now crying#My hopeful traverse into the wild depths of the wayback machine has come to naught#The fic I seek is forever lost to the void of the internet#Reddit or Discord are my only options#Oh Gods. What has the world come to?#I am now crying again for a different reason because THE FIC HAS BEEN FOUND#I AM SAVED#THANK YOU DISCORD PERSON#HOLY SHIT
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Back in the day you could just download a video
#I've just spent. Ugh. One whole hour trying and failing#What I need: a Wan video in mp4 with burned in subtitles#What I would have done five years ago: Go to a streaming website and download the video through videodownloadhelper extension#Then the videodownloadhelper extension went to hell (I just tried it again but from what I can see it's unusable as of now)#What I would have done two years ago: Go to a streaming website and download the video through in-website download options#Well. I just went through like at LEAST 30 streaming websites. 80% had Wan. 30% had in-download options.#20% had in-download options that didn't require an account / didn't install viruses#Of that 20% 10% had watermarks on them (ew. Eww eww ewwwwwww.) and the other 10% was only up to 720p#I can't believe I looked so long and wide and I wasn't able to find a solution?? Doesn't happen often (that's why I'm ranting here lol)#At that point I was like. Dude atp I'll just convert the mkv files in mp4 myself bruh#But then again I'm not really happy with the quality of my Wan mkv files#And the perspective of the quality being reduced even more through mp4 conversion isn't very inviting.........#I don't trust myself to do the conversion that's why I seek for mp4 download links#But the point is. Why something I've always done since I was TEN suddenly can't work anymore. C'mon.#I need better mkv files...#random rambles#Edit: If anyone has good quality recs for mkv batches of seasons 4-5 and Wan. I'm all ears
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it's that time of the year when i start drawings, then i look at them and go "ehhhh" and then never finish them
#i hate working on drawings for more than one evening#(unless it's work)#but when it's personal stuff it takes a few hours and then it's done#now i don't have much energy to finish them and the next day i just look at sketches and go big EHHH#whatever#and tbh mentally i'm just offline#i feel very disconnected from the internet and all social media stuff and i'm actually happier this way
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Quick re-do of a 4 year old piece
#to test my abilities... no jk#I mean kind of lol#I WANTED To test my abilities but then I couldnt think of anything#so then I just redid an older piece#I remembered the old one started black and white and then I did effects over it so I did that again#cause I just wanted to play around with lighting#and I think its pretty obvious how much I've improved#I also only spent like an hour on the second one#wasnt trying to make anything amazing here#just trying t make something that reminds myself how growth can look and feel#important stuff to do as an artist#I'm still sick btw lol#I love how when youre losing your voice everyone goes 'wow you sound terrible'#I get why. I sound terrible. but its so fucking funny like. culturally#like holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you !#but its polite and empathetic#I havent been getting work done on account of is sick#actually not entirely true#I did a good bit of work for we were legion and some for TTA too#but it was just no drawing work#all writing work#which theres just a lot more of to for wwl than for tta#anyways#we were legion#zagan#art redo#art improvement#spent easily twice as long on the original thats a skill upgrade roight there
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Shadowheart, in the style of "The Sorrowing Soul Between Doubt and Faith" by Elihu Vedder (aka one of my absolute favorite paintings)
Other Classical Tadfools: Lae'zel, Wyll
#final time: 7 hours#(not counting the previous attempts I scrapped)#this one has been haunting me for a while and i'm! finally done!!#i *do* like it but i still feel like it's not as good as it could be#but i think that's mostly just nitpicking at this point#blend modes saved my ass on the shading like always lol#i originally had selune instead of aylin but i figured aylin made more sense b/c of how she interacts w/ shadowheart#and we *see* her in-game where she's functionally a stand-in for selune#anyway. sorrowing soul my *beloved*#like the fallen angel pose this piece works for more than one companion#(you could do lae'zel w/ orpheus & vla'akith for example)#bur vibes & story-wise i think it fits shadowheart best#*but#shadowheart#bg3#bg3 companions#dame aylin#bg3 shar#bg3 art#bg3 fanart#my art#my post#baldurs gate 3#dnd art#digital art#digital artist#artists of tumblr#commissions open#illustration#image id in alt text
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howdy!! it's been a minute but i'm still around. fair warning-- i have been lurking the whole time and have about. 100+ posts drafted 😵 you'll be seeing these shortly, i'll try my best to space them out as i get around to tagging them
#tldr im fine it's just been a lot lately and i havent had the energy to tag anything#which!! i like being chatty in the tags and i try my best to say at least something cool about any art or fic i rb#when you're running on 0 tho.... it gets hard to keep that energy up yk???#long version: (if anyone is reading this ty but feel free to drop off at any point it's kinda heavy and just a vent)#hit the 'one more minor inconvenience and im running off into the woods forever' point about five major events ago yet we're still truckin#firstly: found out two months ago (february) that i needed 6 credits worth of college by june to keep my teaching license for next year#so accelerated online graduate courses were the only option and i have since done more work for that than my 5 year undergrad#im almost done with the second class but im so fuckin drained dude i havent been able to really draw/write or play music or sew or anything#everything i do try has either been hit with the executive dysfunction or turns out Bad enough that i get frustrated#shortly after i found out the nice old guy downstairs died my upstairs neighbor who i cared a lot about died. last week and im still waitin#to find out when the funeral is from her son. ive been taking that kinda hard since i feel like i should have checked on her#my parents are moving 17 hours cross country to move back to where we are which is nice but ive been hearing about all their stress with th#house sale on loop by this point whenever i talk to them. which fair they managed to sell the house in a week when we thought itd be months#got smacked with thousands of dollars of surprise car repairs out of nowhere to get my inspection sticker and am still trying to recover#and petty things: lost my favorite piece of clothing and broke my glasses last week while running tech week for the kids#idk man any one thing at a time i could've toughed out better its just been all at once#anyways like i said i'm still truckin and will probably delete this (or at least the tags on it) later had to get all that out somewhere#messenger pidge#if anyone did get this far down thank you for watching me yap <3 i promise im good and will be back to normal shenanigans soon hopefully
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Any Rewind updates coming soon? 👀
If I was a very lucky person. I'd say we might see one as soon as this Friday.
But then. It may not be a very good chapter, and it may actually be a part one of a chapter.
But if it is finished, and edited, and the people want the not-very-good chapter...
Then perhaps. Perhaps we will have one on Friday.
Kindly,
The Void
#apologies for the formal speech#it just gets me sometimes#I have been writing more#I think I did decide to break up this chapter I'm working on into a part one and a part two#so really I just have to finish writing a scene. Wait a few hours for it to simmer. Come back and edit.#and then I can post it#I might have to go back and re-edit it after I post it#but.#it'll be a chapter.#After so many months...#I wouldn't bank on anything.#but perhaps.#perhaps one.#soon.#and if I am lucky#I will have the next chapter after that done by next week. Because I have finally figured out the plot.#and after that is a finished chapter I can polish up and post.#and by then I will have had three whole chapters up and loaded.#imagine that.#I might even have the one after that done. But let's not jinx that.#ask#rewind series#bbc merlin#hope this answered! thanks for asking#sorry I got to it like many months late. or weeks. I don't know how to tell time anymore. :')
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I am. So tired.
#I DON'T. I DON'T ACTUALLY DRAW FOR THAT LONG#kinda embarrassed about taking so much time for one silly work but y'know#it's just the. busyness. doesn't let me. draw more than half an hour a day. at best.#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#I'm also really doubtful about this one but ahhhh I like finishing what I started so#also remember that one tumblr post about having an idea and then it starts to become more and more complex and you're like.....oh no#that's. that's me. this one was supposed to be one and done lol#but how can I think of THIS hand placement and deny its existence?? unthinkable#<- me about....any idea I have#quoquewip
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nothing like a corporate american retail job to crush your soul like a grape
#and theres fuck all i can do about it right now#just give me the shift off it's five hours figure it out#It's not my fault my boss doesn't respond to my emails until the night before it's not my fault the app doesn't work#it's not my fault I'm not personal friends with any of my coworkers and thus cannot text people asking them to cover#It's been made clear that I'm really not important in the slightest so could you just make do without me for one monday evening shift#I'm selling you my time here. You don't *own* it. I do my job without complaint. I'm a good solid worker drone. Just give me the shift here#Fuck I feel like I'm seven again#oh and they gave me a fucking 50 cent raise. lucky fucking me. fifty fucking cents once a year to get screamed at by middle aged ladies.#Boy howdy if i work here for three decades I could make a living wage! Halle-fucking-lujah#and there's nowhere else i can go. there just isn't. this is so miserable and I know I don't have to work there that much longer#and even with that in mind this is hellish. but i need a damn job even a pathetic one like this one and in this fucking economy#I don't even know what to do. I'm absolutely smarter than this. I'm worth more than this I swear.#I'll just suck it up I guess. THAT is my really marketable skill.#I'm really not having a good time in general right now#For all the work I've done not to hate myself for my autism I'm really pretty sick of myself right now
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finding that the key to motivating myself to do a bunch of small, easy tasks that i've been putting off for forever is to get another fairly small but incredibly stupid task assigned that i do NOT want to do, so i will put that one off by getting the other things done
#i'm sorry deborah but no one gives a FUCK#and i don't care if i said i'd get this done today. it's stupid and i don't want to#but i've gotten more done in half an hour this morning than in whole days for the past few weeks#work shit
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